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Date: 12 Sep 2006 11:33:13
From: The Hammer
Subject: Constipation and Golf
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This is one of those things that is very embarassing to talk about, but
it happens to all of us. Especially when one get's older. A few of
you older RSG'ers, may find this post of real interest. Because after
age 70, the biggest event of your daily regimen is taking a friggin
crap!
Bowel health is very important to one's overall health. Waste
products should not sit in the body for days and days. When this
happen's this is called constipation. If you are constipated for
several days, you may begin to feel very bloated and uncomfortable.
You may not want to play golf at all. How can you even think of an
enjoyable day out on the links, when your intestines are bursting at
the seams with poop and you can't get it the hell out.
So, what can we do. First off, exercise really gets things moving. So
if you are some old turd, for example, who sits at his PC all day and
shouts obscenities at whomever he disagrees with, this could be you.
Get off your rump and move. Exercise stimulates the bowel.
Now a high fiber diet is what really works for most of us. Vegetables
are rich in fiber. And to supplement vegetables, a few servings of
Metamucil or Citracel should give you all the fiber you need. If you
still can't crap after all this, time to get worried.
Chronic constipation might mean a more severe underlying problem. So
the dor will probably want to stick his finger up your butt and do
an inspection. And then he might want to do an endoscopy, which means
basically sticking a lighted hose up your butt where he can probe
around and take pictures. For some of you, especially like some
alleged drunk on this site who regularly "takes it", this should be a
very pleasureable experience. The procedure might even stimulate a
woody! You will probably want to schedule this procedure over and
over again! But for most of us, this will be more than enough for a
while. But it is very important especially after age 50 to get this
done every few years.
What greater joy than being able to get out and play a round and not
have to worry about constipation. Hope this has helped some of my
fellow golfers here. A daily bowel movement for our older members
should be like daily bliss. It is like nirvana. But if you don't
crap for a week, a dor you should seek. Hey, that rhymes!
For more information on constipation, I would refer you to the
following
link:http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/constipation/
The Hammer
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Date: 12 Sep 2006 16:20:02
From: dsc
Subject: Re: Constipation and Golf
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The Hammer wrote:
> This is one of those things that is very embarassing to talk about, but
> it happens to all of us. Especially when one get's older. A few of
> you older RSG'ers, may find this post of real interest. Because after
> age 70, the biggest event of your daily regimen is taking a friggin
> crap!
>
> Bowel health is very important to one's overall health. Waste
> products should not sit in the body for days and days. When this
> happen's this is called constipation. If you are constipated for
> several days, you may begin to feel very bloated and uncomfortable.
> You may not want to play golf at all. How can you even think of an
> enjoyable day out on the links, when your intestines are bursting at
> the seams with poop and you can't get it the hell out.
>
> So, what can we do.
Try sitting on a heating pad... or turn on your heated seats. Should
help get things moving... :)
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Date: 12 Sep 2006 12:44:50
From:
Subject: Re: Constipation and Golf
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The Hammer wrote:
When this
> happen's this is called constipation.
egads, if I had a three pies I would .....
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Date: 12 Sep 2006 12:29:53
From: multi
Subject: Re: Constipation and Golf
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On 12 Sep 2006 11:33:13 -0700, "The Hammer" <buggertt@yahoo.com >
wrote:
> But if you don't
>crap for a week, a dor you should seek.
Fess up. You stole that from Johnny Cochran.
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Date: 12 Sep 2006 15:15:07
From: sfb
Subject: Re: Constipation and Golf
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The older guys were sitting on the porch at the home talking about their
bladder and bowel problems. One old guy said he must be doing pretty good
since he crapped every morning at 6 AM and took a piss at 7 AM. The other
guys thought that was great news.
"Well, there is one small problem."
What?"
"I don't get up until 8 AM."
"The Hammer" <buggertt@yahoo.com > wrote in message
news:1158085993.790834.174640@e63g2000cwd.googlegroups.com...
> This is one of those things that is very embarassing to talk about, but
> it happens to all of us. Especially when one get's older. A few of
> you older RSG'ers, may find this post of real interest. Because after
> age 70, the biggest event of your daily regimen is taking a friggin
> crap!
>
> Bowel health is very important to one's overall health. Waste
> products should not sit in the body for days and days. When this
> happen's this is called constipation. If you are constipated for
> several days, you may begin to feel very bloated and uncomfortable.
> You may not want to play golf at all. How can you even think of an
> enjoyable day out on the links, when your intestines are bursting at
> the seams with poop and you can't get it the hell out.
>
> So, what can we do. First off, exercise really gets things moving. So
> if you are some old turd, for example, who sits at his PC all day and
> shouts obscenities at whomever he disagrees with, this could be you.
> Get off your rump and move. Exercise stimulates the bowel.
>
> Now a high fiber diet is what really works for most of us. Vegetables
> are rich in fiber. And to supplement vegetables, a few servings of
> Metamucil or Citracel should give you all the fiber you need. If you
> still can't crap after all this, time to get worried.
>
> Chronic constipation might mean a more severe underlying problem. So
> the dor will probably want to stick his finger up your butt and do
> an inspection. And then he might want to do an endoscopy, which means
> basically sticking a lighted hose up your butt where he can probe
> around and take pictures. For some of you, especially like some
> alleged drunk on this site who regularly "takes it", this should be a
> very pleasureable experience. The procedure might even stimulate a
> woody! You will probably want to schedule this procedure over and
> over again! But for most of us, this will be more than enough for a
> while. But it is very important especially after age 50 to get this
> done every few years.
>
> What greater joy than being able to get out and play a round and not
> have to worry about constipation. Hope this has helped some of my
> fellow golfers here. A daily bowel movement for our older members
> should be like daily bliss. It is like nirvana. But if you don't
> crap for a week, a dor you should seek. Hey, that rhymes!
>
> For more information on constipation, I would refer you to the
> following
> link:http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/constipation/
>
>
> The Hammer
>
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Date: 12 Sep 2006 18:49:46
From: Frank Ketchum
Subject: Re: Constipation and Golf
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"The Hammer" <buggertt@yahoo.com > wrote in message
news:1158085993.790834.174640@e63g2000cwd.googlegroups.com...
>
> What greater joy than being able to get out and play a round and not
> have to worry about constipation. Hope this has helped some of my
> fellow golfers here.
Perhaps your constipation is due to stuffing too much garlic in your ass and
causing a logjam.
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