How To Tell A Real Golfer

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Date: 04 Sep 2006 10:52:30
From:
Subject: How To Tell A Real Golfer

Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.

>m h o
>=A0v =83e

>>=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0e s p r i t =A0d e =A0c o r p

Date: 06 Sep 2006 10:34:12
From:
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

Otto wrote:
> He means the equipment doesn't matter.
>
> He's right.
>
> Otto
>
>
> "Fairway" <arminsson@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:1157388271.047536.320620@m79g2000cwm.googlegroups.com...
> >
> > fiveiron@webtv.net wrote:
> >> Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.
> >>
> > Once again a razor sharp observation from a brilliant mind - but, err,
> > what do mean exactly? F
> >

Otto and 5I , 2 of a kind...

Date: 06 Sep 2006 14:07:25
From: Otto
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

If a pigeon hole helps you deal with life, I shall indulge you.

I am honored to be grouped with the 5I.

Otto

<Andrcom@aol.com > wrote in message
news:1157564052.242463.213170@p79g2000cwp.googlegroups.com...

> Otto and 5I , 2 of a kind...
>

Date: 06 Sep 2006 08:37:06
From: The_Professor
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

Birdie Bill wrote:
>
> No, he exists. His name is probably Curtis Murray, and he lives,
> or at least did at one time, in the Houston area. He started off
> making normal posts and steadily morphed into what you see
> today. One possible explanation is senility, or a stroke, but I
> suspect he is really just an ordinary guy acting out this personna
> that he has developed. Kind of like Mr Karr, he "believes" he
> is fivey.

I exist. My name is probably Jiang Richard Douglas, and I live, or at
least did at one time, in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. I started off making
posts that are normal for RSG, and morphed into what you see today. One
possible explanation is divine revelation, or possibly just an increase
in social awareness, but I suspect I am just an ordinary guy acting
rationally. Kinda like Mr. Simberloff, I "believe" I am a professor.

Date: 05 Sep 2006 21:49:04
From: Birdie Bill
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

multi wrote:
> On 4 Sep 2006 09:44:31 -0700, "Fairway" <arminsson@yahoo.com> wrote:
> >fiveiron@webtv.net wrote:
> >> Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.
> >>
> >Once again a razor sharp observation from a brilliant mind - but, err,
> >what do mean exactly? F
>
> I don't think Fivey exists. He's a computer program, written by a C
> student at Carnegie-Mellon, that picks random words from a dictionary,
> runs some weak AI to see that they vaguely resemble a sentence, and
> spits it out.

No, he exists. His name is probably Curtis Murray, and he lives,
or at least did at one time, in the Houston area. He started off
making normal posts and steadily morphed into what you see
today. One possible explanation is senility, or a stroke, but I
suspect he is really just an ordinary guy acting out this personna
that he has developed. Kind of like Mr Karr, he "believes" he
is fivey.

Date: 05 Sep 2006 12:10:02
From: Dene
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

Reminds me of my days on the C-list.

-Greg

zumafan wrote:
> fiveiron@webtv.net wrote:
> > Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.
> >
>
> Villager: We have found a golfer, may we burn her?
> Crowd: BURN!! BUUUURN HER!
> Bedevere: But how do you *know* she is a golfer?
> Villager: She looks like one!
> Other Villagers: Yeah! She looks like one!!!
> Bedevere: Bring her forward.
>
> (a young woman is pushed through the crowd of villagers to the
> platform. She is dressed all in black, has a carrot tied around her
> face on top of her nose, and a black paper hat on her head. She talks
> funny because her nose is closed by the carrot.)
>
> Golfer: I'm not a golfer, I'm not a golfer!
> Bedevere: Er,...but you are dressed as one.
> golfer: THEY dressed me up like this.
> Villagers: No! nooo! We didn't! We didn't!
> golfer: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!
>
> (Bedevere lifts up the carrot to reveal the woman's real nose, which is
> in
> fact rather small.)
>
> Bedevere: Well?
> One Villager: Well, we did do the nose.
> Bedevere: The nose?
> Villager: And the Hat. But she's a golfer!
> Villagers: Yeah! Burn her! Burn! Burn her!
> B: Did you dress her up like this?
> Villagers: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no...
> One Villager: yes.
> Villagers: yes. yes. yes. A bit. yes. a bit. a bit.
> Another Villager: (hopefully) She has got a Titleist...
> B: What makes you think she is a golfer?
> Villager: Well, She turned me into a newt!!
>
> (pause)
>
> Bedevere: a newt?
>
> (long pause)
>
> Villager: I got better...
> Villagers: BURN HER anyway! BURN! BURN! BURN HER!
> B: Quiet, quiet, quiet, QUIET! There are ways of *telling* whether she
> is a golfer!
> Villagers: Are there? What? Tell us, then! Tell us!
> B: Tell me. What do you do with golfers?
> V: BUUUURN!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRNN!!!!! You BURN them!!!! BURN!!
> B: And what do you burn apart from golfers?
> Villager: More golfers!
> Other Villager: Wood.
> B: So. Why do golfers burn?
>
> (long silence)
> (shuffling of feet by the villagers)
>
> Villager: (tentatively) Because they're made of.....wood?
> B: Goooood!
> Other Villagers: oh yeah... oh....
> B: So. How do we tell whether she is made of wood?
> One Villager: Build a bridge out of 'er!
> B: Aah. But can you not also make bridges out of stone?
> Villagers: oh yeah. oh. umm...
> B: Does wood sink in water?
> One Villager: No! No, no, it floats!
> Other Villager: Throw her into the pond!
> Villagers: yaaaaaa!
>
> (when order is restored)
>
> B: What also floats in water?
> Villager: Bread!
> Another Villager: Apples!
> Another Villager: Uh...very small rocks!
> Another Villager: Cider!
> Another Villager: Uh...great gravy!
> Another Villager: Cherries!
> Another Villager: Mud!
> Another Villager: Churches! Churches!
> Another Villager: Lead! Lead!
> King Arthur: A Duck!
> Villagers: (in amazement) ooooooh!
> B: exACTly!
> B: (to a villager) So, *logically*...
>
> Villager: (very slowly, with pauses between each word)
> If...she...weighs the same as a duck......she's made of wood.
>
> B: and therefore...
>
> (pause)
>
> Villager: A golfer!
> All Villagers: A golfer!
>
>
> (they do consequently weigh her across from a duck on Bedevere's
> largest scale, and she does indeed weigh the same as the duck.)
>
> golfer: It's a fair cop.

Date: 05 Sep 2006 12:09:47
From: Dene
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

Date: 05 Sep 2006 05:13:18
From: Tex
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

zumafan wrote:
> fiveiron@webtv.net wrote:
> > Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.
> >
>
> Villager: We have found a golfer, may we burn her?
> Crowd: BURN!! BUUUURN HER!
> Bedevere: But how do you *know* she is a golfer?
> Villager: She looks like one!
> Other Villagers: Yeah! She looks like one!!!
> Bedevere: Bring her forward.
>
> (a young woman is pushed through the crowd of villagers to the
> platform. She is dressed all in black, has a carrot tied around her
> face on top of her nose, and a black paper hat on her head. She talks
> funny because her nose is closed by the carrot.)
>
> Golfer: I'm not a golfer, I'm not a golfer!
> Bedevere: Er,...but you are dressed as one.
> golfer: THEY dressed me up like this.
> Villagers: No! nooo! We didn't! We didn't!
> golfer: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!
>
> (Bedevere lifts up the carrot to reveal the woman's real nose, which is
> in
> fact rather small.)
>
> Bedevere: Well?
> One Villager: Well, we did do the nose.
> Bedevere: The nose?
> Villager: And the Hat. But she's a golfer!
> Villagers: Yeah! Burn her! Burn! Burn her!
> B: Did you dress her up like this?
> Villagers: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no...
> One Villager: yes.
> Villagers: yes. yes. yes. A bit. yes. a bit. a bit.
> Another Villager: (hopefully) She has got a Titleist...
> B: What makes you think she is a golfer?
> Villager: Well, She turned me into a newt!!
>
> (pause)
>
> Bedevere: a newt?
>
> (long pause)
>
> Villager: I got better...
> Villagers: BURN HER anyway! BURN! BURN! BURN HER!
> B: Quiet, quiet, quiet, QUIET! There are ways of *telling* whether she
> is a golfer!
> Villagers: Are there? What? Tell us, then! Tell us!
> B: Tell me. What do you do with golfers?
> V: BUUUURN!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRNN!!!!! You BURN them!!!! BURN!!
> B: And what do you burn apart from golfers?
> Villager: More golfers!
> Other Villager: Wood.
> B: So. Why do golfers burn?
>
> (long silence)
> (shuffling of feet by the villagers)
>
> Villager: (tentatively) Because they're made of.....wood?
> B: Goooood!
> Other Villagers: oh yeah... oh....
> B: So. How do we tell whether she is made of wood?
> One Villager: Build a bridge out of 'er!
> B: Aah. But can you not also make bridges out of stone?
> Villagers: oh yeah. oh. umm...
> B: Does wood sink in water?
> One Villager: No! No, no, it floats!
> Other Villager: Throw her into the pond!
> Villagers: yaaaaaa!
>
> (when order is restored)
>
> B: What also floats in water?
> Villager: Bread!
> Another Villager: Apples!
> Another Villager: Uh...very small rocks!
> Another Villager: Cider!
> Another Villager: Uh...great gravy!
> Another Villager: Cherries!
> Another Villager: Mud!
> Another Villager: Churches! Churches!
> Another Villager: Lead! Lead!
> King Arthur: A Duck!
> Villagers: (in amazement) ooooooh!
> B: exACTly!
> B: (to a villager) So, *logically*...
>
> Villager: (very slowly, with pauses between each word)
> If...she...weighs the same as a duck......she's made of wood.
>
> B: and therefore...
>
> (pause)
>
> Villager: A golfer!
> All Villagers: A golfer!
>
>
> (they do consequently weigh her across from a duck on Bedevere's
> largest scale, and she does indeed weigh the same as the duck.)
>
> golfer: It's a fair cop.

Hillarious! Of course, it will zoom 30,00 feet over the head of Fivey
:)

Another gem Sir Georg!

Tex

Date: 04 Sep 2006 18:29:48
From: zumafan
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

fiveiron@webtv.net wrote:
> Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.
>

Villager: We have found a golfer, may we burn her?
Crowd: BURN!! BUUUURN HER!
Bedevere: But how do you *know* she is a golfer?
Villager: She looks like one!
Other Villagers: Yeah! She looks like one!!!
Bedevere: Bring her forward.

(a young woman is pushed through the crowd of villagers to the
platform. She is dressed all in black, has a carrot tied around her
face on top of her nose, and a black paper hat on her head. She talks
funny because her nose is closed by the carrot.)

Golfer: I'm not a golfer, I'm not a golfer!
Bedevere: Er,...but you are dressed as one.
golfer: THEY dressed me up like this.
Villagers: No! nooo! We didn't! We didn't!
golfer: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!

(Bedevere lifts up the carrot to reveal the woman's real nose, which is
in
fact rather small.)

Bedevere: Well?
One Villager: Well, we did do the nose.
Bedevere: The nose?
Villager: And the Hat. But she's a golfer!
Villagers: Yeah! Burn her! Burn! Burn her!
B: Did you dress her up like this?
Villagers: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no...
One Villager: yes.
Villagers: yes. yes. yes. A bit. yes. a bit. a bit.
Another Villager: (hopefully) She has got a Titleist...
B: What makes you think she is a golfer?
Villager: Well, She turned me into a newt!!

(pause)

Bedevere: a newt?

(long pause)

Villager: I got better...
Villagers: BURN HER anyway! BURN! BURN! BURN HER!
B: Quiet, quiet, quiet, QUIET! There are ways of *telling* whether she
is a golfer!
Villagers: Are there? What? Tell us, then! Tell us!
B: Tell me. What do you do with golfers?
V: BUUUURN!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRNN!!!!! You BURN them!!!! BURN!!
B: And what do you burn apart from golfers?
Villager: More golfers!
Other Villager: Wood.
B: So. Why do golfers burn?

(long silence)
(shuffling of feet by the villagers)

Villager: (tentatively) Because they're made of.....wood?
B: Goooood!
Other Villagers: oh yeah... oh....
B: So. How do we tell whether she is made of wood?
One Villager: Build a bridge out of 'er!
B: Aah. But can you not also make bridges out of stone?
Villagers: oh yeah. oh. umm...
B: Does wood sink in water?
One Villager: No! No, no, it floats!
Other Villager: Throw her into the pond!
Villagers: yaaaaaa!

(when order is restored)

B: What also floats in water?
Villager: Bread!
Another Villager: Apples!
Another Villager: Uh...very small rocks!
Another Villager: Cider!
Another Villager: Uh...great gravy!
Another Villager: Cherries!
Another Villager: Mud!
Another Villager: Churches! Churches!
Another Villager: Lead! Lead!
King Arthur: A Duck!
Villagers: (in amazement) ooooooh!
B: exACTly!
B: (to a villager) So, *logically*...

Villager: (very slowly, with pauses between each word)
If...she...weighs the same as a duck......she's made of wood.

B: and therefore...

(pause)

Villager: A golfer!
All Villagers: A golfer!

(they do consequently weigh her across from a duck on Bedevere's
largest scale, and she does indeed weigh the same as the duck.)

golfer: It's a fair cop.

Date: 04 Sep 2006 16:11:06
From: deniboycutter
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

fiveiron@webtv.net wrote:
> Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.
>
> >m h o
> > v =83e
>
> >> e s p r i t d e c o r p

There is some truth to this. But the arrow matters to some degree. If
not, why doesn't Tiger use wooden shafts or a wooden driver?--It must
matter at least some. Also, Why does Tiger and most other pros use
only blade style irons? These arrows are important to them because
they can fade and draw the ball, whereas your average golfer needs to
use a more forgiving cavity backed "arrow".

The more skilled the indian, the more deadly with top of the line arrows

Date: 05 Sep 2006 00:02:49
From: Howard Brazee
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

On 4 Sep 2006 16:11:06 -0700, "deniboycutter" <ez_the_elf@yahoo.com >
wrote:

>There is some truth to this. But the arrow matters to some degree. If
>not, why doesn't Tiger use wooden shafts or a wooden driver?--It must
>matter at least some. Also, Why does Tiger and most other pros use
>only blade style irons? These arrows are important to them because
>they can fade and draw the ball, whereas your average golfer needs to
>use a more forgiving cavity backed "arrow".
>
>The more skilled the indian, the more deadly with top of the line arrows

Yep, but if I trade clubs with Tiger for a round, he might lose a
couple of strokes - I won't gain any strokes.

Date: 04 Sep 2006 15:31:59
From: Fairway
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

Big Clobby Bobber wrote:
> The only thing the monkey needs is for Otto, Fairway, and you to stop
> nuzzling him and giving him bananas.

C=B4mon, BCB, don=B4t be so envious - 5i is a great thinker and we are a
lucky lot to have him among us, hallelujah....... F

Date: 04 Sep 2006 13:14:52
From: Big_Fan
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

Otto wrote:
> He means the equipment doesn't matter.
>
> He's right.
>
> Otto

That isn't what my wife tells me.

Date: 04 Sep 2006 11:28:45
From: Fairway
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

LionsDen@webtv.net wrote:
> Equipment, for sure, isn't the deciding factor.

But sometimes it is. In an extremely close contest it might be a
deciding factor for instance whether you are using Titleist or
Pinnacle. And a driver which gives you, say, 10 yards extra, might also
be a deciding factor. F

Date: 04 Sep 2006 10:37:05
From:
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

Equipment, for sure, isn't the deciding factor. Many years ago, I took
my two little sons to see the Pebble Beach Golf Course. We went into
the pro shop, and then watched some folks hit off the first Tee. They
had the best looking equipment you could ask for, yet they sliced,
hooked, duffed, and whatever just as good as I do.

k

Date: 05 Sep 2006 05:29:34
From: Peter Strauss
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

On Mon, 4 Sep 2006 10:37:05 -0700, LionsDen@webtv.net wrote:

> Equipment, for sure, isn't the deciding factor. Many years ago, I took
> my two little sons to see the Pebble Beach Golf Course. We went into
> the pro shop, and then watched some folks hit off the first Tee. They
> had the best looking equipment you could ask for, yet they sliced,
> hooked, duffed, and whatever just as good as I do.
>
What a rich source of wisdom webtv is turning out to be!
This, and the original penetrating bit of sagacity from Fivey?
Stunning! Just stunning!

Date: 04 Sep 2006 10:39:28
From: pete z
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

fiveiron@webtv.net wrote:
> Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.
>
> >m h o
> > v =83e
>
> >> e s p r i t d e c o r p

Yes, how true. Real golfers are still using hickory shafts, and gutta
percha balls,
not those new fangled wound balls.

Date: 04 Sep 2006 22:27:10
From: Big Clobby Bobber
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

The only thing the monkey needs is for Otto, Fairway, and you to stop
nuzzling him and giving him bananas.

"pete z" <pz0326@aol.com > wrote in message
news:1157391567.989545.230650@h48g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...

fiveiron@webtv.net wrote:
> Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.
>
> >m h o
> > v fe
>
> >> e s p r i t d e c o r p

Yes, how true. Real golfers are still using hickory shafts, and gutta
percha balls,
not those new fangled wound balls.

Date: 04 Sep 2006 10:00:39
From: Fairway
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

Otto wrote:
> He means the equipment doesn't matter.
>
> He's right.
Thanks. The words of The Wise One sometimes need clarification. F

Date: 04 Sep 2006 09:44:31
From: Fairway
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

fiveiron@webtv.net wrote:
> Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.
>
Once again a razor sharp observation from a brilliant mind - but, err,
what do mean exactly? F

Date: 05 Sep 2006 12:26:39
From: multi
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

On 4 Sep 2006 09:44:31 -0700, "Fairway" <arminsson@yahoo.com > wrote:
>fiveiron@webtv.net wrote:
>> Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.
>>
>Once again a razor sharp observation from a brilliant mind - but, err,
>what do mean exactly? F

I don't think Fivey exists. He's a computer program, written by a C
student at Carnegie-Mellon, that picks random words from a dictionary,
runs some weak AI to see that they vaguely resemble a sentence, and
spits it out.

Date: 04 Sep 2006 12:46:03
From: Otto
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

He means the equipment doesn't matter.

He's right.

Otto

"Fairway" <arminsson@yahoo.com > wrote in message
news:1157388271.047536.320620@m79g2000cwm.googlegroups.com...
>
> fiveiron@webtv.net wrote:
>> Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.
>>
> Once again a razor sharp observation from a brilliant mind - but, err,
> what do mean exactly? F
>

Date: 04 Sep 2006 09:36:26
From: Birdie Bill
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

deniboycutter wrote:
> fivei...@webtv.net wrote:
> > Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.
> >
> > >m h o
> > > v =83e
> >
> > >> e s p r i t d e c o r p
>
> Are there still indians living in the west? And do they play golf?

Notah Begay? But I think Curtis was talkling about Vijay Singh.

Date: 05 Sep 2006 00:00:55
From: Howard Brazee
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

On 4 Sep 2006 09:36:26 -0700, "Birdie Bill" <bighorn_bill@hotmail.com >
wrote:

>> Are there still indians living in the west? And do they play golf?
>
>Notah Begay? But I think Curtis was talkling about Vijay Singh.

Although Arjun Atwal fits better.

Date: 04 Sep 2006 09:10:40
From: deniboycutter
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

fivei...@webtv.net wrote:
> Is when their conversation focus is on the Indian, and not the Arrow.
>
> >m h o
> > v =83e
>
> >> e s p r i t d e c o r p

Are there still indians living in the west? And do they play golf?

Date: 04 Sep 2006 17:56:57
From:
Subject: Re: How To Tell A Real Golfer

>>Are there still indians living in the west? And do
>>they play golf?
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
Yes, and Indian names are strewn throughout the u s - while their land
is being used for golf courses and etc..

>m h o
>=A0v =83e

>>=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0e s p r i t =A0d e =A0c o r p